whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
FUCK WHALES
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
