i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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