I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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