You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
