can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The air was thick with penises
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
