I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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