I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I believe in your delicious
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
