First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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