i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
