I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
