SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
