I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
