i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
