went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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