Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
