I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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