hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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