i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
