hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
