Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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