I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
