My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
