I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
