I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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