Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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