i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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