Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
