I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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