i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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