I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
