theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
