the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
