Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
