And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
