i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
