just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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