Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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