I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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