Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
