I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
