Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
