I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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