Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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