dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
