is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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