Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
