Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His hands were made for my vagina.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Randomize
