There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize