It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
