mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
