Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
