Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
this hospital has no fireball
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
