Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
