well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
