Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
