every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
