i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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