Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
