I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
