Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
