I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
