I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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