i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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