I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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