so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
