I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
