She said her name was "party"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
