i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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