come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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