i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Someone signed my nipple.
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