My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
how can u be prego again
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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