Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
