I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
