He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
