he puts the penis in happiness.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize