Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
