Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
