her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
