I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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