I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
